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The Trolleying PM: Decoding the Lexicon of Boris Johnson's No. 10

Friday, 03 November 2023 17:54 Lifestyle

"The Trolleying PM: Decoding the Lexicon of Boris Johnson's No. 10"

As revelations unfold in the Covid inquiry, shedding light on the foul-mouthed and macho culture within Downing Street during a time when thousands of Britons lost their lives, the shock among some observers is palpable. Yet, for those closely attuned to the intricacies of Westminster politics over the years, this week's testimonies merely confirm what many suspected all along. The sketches painted by witnesses are not mere exaggerations; they are, in fact, uncanny reflections of the reality within the corridors of power. No. 10, it seems, operated more like a writers' room, with a surreal script that unfolded chaos instead of crisis management.

In the bizarre theater of government, where a sex-crazed narcissist with the attention span of a flea was at the helm during a pandemic, incompetence reigned supreme. Turf wars took precedence over safeguarding lives, creating a governmental spectacle reminiscent of "The Thick of It" on hallucinogenics. Amidst this madness, an insider language emerged, filled with phrases that may perplex the uninitiated.

One such term was "fuckpigs," a peculiar form of address favored by Dominic Cummings for just about everyone he encountered. To this career sociopath, every individual was a "useless fuckpig," be it an ally or adversary. Even within the confines of his family, this term of endearment persisted, as he rallied them with a casual, "Come on, you useless fuckpigs. Get in the car. We're off to Barnard Castle."

Then there's "Jaws mode wank," a concept conjured by Cummings to capture Boris Johnson's whimsical contemplation of playing the role of Amity's mayor in the film Jaws. Johnson, in these moments of introspection, entertained the idea of defying scientific advice, pondering whether to forgo a lockdown just to witness the toll it would take on human lives – a macabre game of chance and political brinkmanship. The corridors of power, it seems, were not just venues for decision-making but also stages for a surreal linguistic ballet, where the absurdity of the language matched the gravity of the decisions being made.

"Insider Chronicles: Unveiling the Quirky Language of No. 10's Governance"

Pop-ins: A peculiar style of governance embraced by many in No. 10 and the cabinet. Recognizing Boris Johnson's chronic indecision, ministers and special advisers adopted the strategy of strategically "popping in" to Johnson's office. The goal? To be the last person to influence his opinion before he was compelled to commit to a course of action at a press conference. In a government where decisions were elusive, the race to be the final voice became a tactical game of persuasion.

To trolley: A term sometimes used as a noun, referring to "the trolley." Reflecting the prime minister's inability to make definitive commitments, Johnson would metaphorically "trolley" between various courses of action, inevitably arriving at the wrong conclusion. Some within No. 10 couldn't help but feel sympathy for supermarket trolleys, which, in contrast, demonstrated a far greater degree of stability than the prime minister himself.

Orgy of narcissism: The irony reached new heights as Johnson accused everyone in No. 10 of engaging in an "orgy of narcissism." Amid ruthless pursuit of personal agendas and public trashing of dissenters, the supreme narcissist himself leveled this accusation. A case of pots and kettles, where Johnson's opportunistic and self-serving life became the epitome of narcissism.

Special hairdryer: A symbol of the perplexing absurdity within Downing Street. Boris Johnson entertained the idea that cranking up a hairdryer to its maximum setting and directing it up one's nostrils could expel the coronavirus from the body. A testament to the bizarre nature of decision-making at the heart of government, leaving many to ponder the choices made by Tory MPs and voters who supported such initiatives.

Dr Death: Despite Rishi Sunak's current attempts to portray himself as a credible figure and a harbinger of change, his time as chancellor during the pandemic earned him the moniker "Dr Death" within No. 10. Seen through the lens of those working closely with him, Sunak's "Eat Out to Help the Virus" scheme, encouraging people to dine out and potentially spread the virus, was deemed idiotic. A reminder that the consequences of decisions made in the corridors of power extend beyond the political realm to impact the lives of citizens who trusted their leaders.

"Unraveling the Machinations: Insights into Johnson's Governing Lexicon"

Nature’s Way: In the annals of compassionate ideas, Boris Johnson's brainchild, "Nature’s Way of Killing People," takes a disconcerting center stage. Johnson, in a rather callous observation, noted that Covid predominantly claimed the lives of older individuals. His solution? Why bother admitting them to hospitals at all? Let them succumb to the virus, arguing they had lived long enough, and it would give the younger generation a respite. This seemingly heartless strategy aimed to address the financial burden of state pensions. Little did Johnson realize the potential political fallout, as it inadvertently threatened the readership of influential publications like the Mail and the Telegraph, potentially sidelining the Tories for decades.

Terrifyingly Shit: In a government characterized by perpetual dysfunction, the standard state of affairs during Covid was already deemed "shit." However, the need arose for a phrase that captured the terror of everything being even more abysmal than usual. Thus, "terrifyingly shit" emerged as the apt descriptor for the dismal state of affairs prevailing within the corridors of power.

Dodging Stilettos: Within Johnson's No. 10, a pervasive macho culture dominated the scene, where male voices routinely drowned out their female counterparts. In this chauvinistic environment, women were perceived as having little to contribute beyond menial tasks like fetching booze and setting up the karaoke machine for evening parties. Dominic Cummings, despite vehemently denying any misogynistic tendencies, demonstrated equal opportunity disdain by referring to women with derogatory terms such as "useless fuckpigs," treating them no differently than their male counterparts.

In the twisted world of Johnson's governance, a lexicon emerged that not only reflected the callousness of decision-making but also hinted at the potential repercussions that could echo through political and societal realms for years to come.

"Conclusion: Unveiling the Dark Threads of Johnson's Governance"

In dissecting the peculiar lexicon of Boris Johnson's governance during the Covid era, a disconcerting tapestry of callousness and indifference emerges. From the chilling proposal of "Nature's Way of Killing People," an idea seemingly designed to sacrifice the elderly for fiscal expediency, to the stark reality of everything being labeled as "terrifyingly shit" within government circles, the narrative reflects a disturbing normalcy within No. 10.

The insensitivity of Johnson's policies, often veiled in a guise of pragmatism, inadvertently threatened the very foundations of political support. "Nature's Way" risked alienating a significant demographic, potentially sidelining the Tories for an extended period. The pervasive macho culture, exemplified by the dismissive attitude towards women, further tainted the atmosphere within Downing Street, perpetuating an environment where derogatory language became a twisted form of equal opportunity.

As we navigate the aftermath of this governance saga, the repercussions loom large. The echoes of decisions made in No. 10 reverberate not only in the political landscape but also in the lives of the citizens who bore the brunt of these policies. The lexicon unveiled here serves not just as a linguistic curiosity but as a chilling testament to the realities of leadership during a crisis and the enduring impact of decisions that resonate far beyond the walls of power.

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